The grim adventures of Stefan and Toby
by Whitedraft
Summary: why vampires and pets shouldn t share the same roof... a little OoC  or maybe a lot
1. Chapter 1

**Ok. This is a story I thought in another of my random boredom times. ****It's based in another fic that I red and I loved! Hope you like it!**

**At**** the Salvatore's Boarding House (A.K.A torture central**)

Stefan: forget it! You're not keeping it Damon!

Damon: why not? Its mine! I found it!

Stefan: because it's a dirty wild animal! It's probably full of diseases!

Damon: yeah right, like you're not. (Smirks) c'mon! It's just a raccoon!

Stefan: no it's not just a raccoon! It's a stinky flea bag!

*the raccoon in Damon's arms growled and showed sharp teethes to Stefan*

Stefan: *twitch*

Damon: see what you did? You upset Toby!

Stefan- …Toby? Seriously? O.O

Damon: what? I liked the name! And Toby did too. Didn't you? *pets it*

Stefan: …ok Damon; I used to think you have some several mental problems. I just didn't know how far they got.

Damon: oh you're just jealous cause I care about animals as something else than food! You're such a Bambi killer!

Stefan: *twitch* look Damon, I'm saying this for the last time. I don't care what you want you´..racoon. Get it?

Damon: *smirks*…well in that case, I have no other thing to do that shows your dear Elena that "lovely" video of yours making out with that kangaroo when we got drunk in Australia…

Stefan: *twitch, eyes become vamplike* you wouldn't! O.O

Damon: *smirks* try me

Stefan: *sighs* …ok. You can keep the little flea bag. Just make sure it doesn't get in my way cause I'll turn it into my dinner!

Damon: oh he's so scare! *ironic tone* c'mon Toby, lets get "Mr. broody pants" alone

Toby: *hisses and growls*

Stefan: *sighs* it's gonna be a long week.

**At night**

Stefan: *it's sitting in the couch, reading a book* *thinks* _mmh…I'm hungry. Maybe I should get some blood to eat. Wonder if I steel have that otter's blood. It was nice. _

He crosses the living room thought the kitchen. Suspicious noises are begun to hear. Like a little and husky growl and a hiss. Something is moving on the floor. It comes closer and closer to Stefan. "_Shark"_ background music starts to sound.

Stefan: mmh…what I should pick? Bunny? deer?…buffalo? (WTF?) Or maybe-* suddenly Toby (A.K.A the flea bag) jumps to Stefan's face and starts scratching it*

Stefan: *screams* AAAH! DAMON, GET THIS THING OUT OF MEE! *punches Toby. Toby bites Stefan's hand* OUCH! YOU SON OF A BICH!

-!

**In the afternoon**

*Stefan's walking in the 2nd floor hallway when:*

Toby: *growls, jumps and bits Stefan in that region no man or vampire is suppose to be bitten at*

Stefan: AAAAAAAAAAAH YOU **** RACCOON! YOU´RE _SO_ PAYING FOR THIS!

**Next day:**

Stefan: *is working in the garage, in his car*

Toby *appears of nowhere and starts biting Stefan's leg with anger*

Stefan: *screams in pain* OH CRAP NOT AGAIN! GET OUT OF ME YOU **** BALL OF FUR!

**At night (again)**

Elena: *sitting in the couch, healing Stefan's wounds, caused by Toby* don't you think you're being a little paranoid with this?

Stefan *holding a baseball bat* no I'm not! That little bastard's really dangerous! I know he's waiting right now for you to leave. Hiding like a falcon waiting for his dam! *psycho face*

Elena: O.O…kay. Umm…I think you should take a little rest, you know, chill out a little…or a lot.

Stefan: *sighs* look Elena, I know you think I'm crazy- and you are Stef- but I'm telling you the truth! The creature is pure evil!

Elena: it's just, I don't know. I've pet it a few times and it seems a very fluffy cute thing. -Despite the fact that it's a raccoon-. And besides, Damon likes it, it's not gonna be easy to get rid of it.

Stefan: oh c'mon Elena! Do you really buy all that shit? It's all part of his plan! He's just bringing that fat rat here to annoy me! He'd do it before! One time, he bought a weasel and trained it to think that everything purple was food

Elena: so?

Stefan: *twitch* I was wearing a purple bathing suit that summer!

Elena: OUCH! *oh well that gotta hurt!*

Stefan: see? He does these lots of times! But this time he won't beat me up! Im so gonna beat him and his stupid raccoon they're gonna forget their names! You hear me Damon? YOU´RE NOT BEATING ME! * Maniac laugh*

Elena: O.O ...kay…I think I'm gonna go now. Sure you're gonna be ok alone?

Stefan: …YOU WONT BEAT ME UP DAMON! NEVER! NEVER! NEV…

Elena: *sighs* O.O I think I'll be checking you later…

Leaves

_Friday, October__ 8, 6:30 pm_

Stefan *he is holding a video camera and it's in the shot* *in the camera, whispers*: hello, I'm Stefan, the hotter and nicer Salvatore Brother. I've decided to tape everything that happens in the following days to prove Elena- and the world- that Toby it's really an evil mastermind! Now pay attention to the camera. *makes a panoramic shot* mm…seems like this zone is out of danger. So I'm going to the bathroom to take a good long bath. Come with me.

*the camera shows the hallway of the boarding house, then some doors and finally the bathroom's door. It's closed*

Stefan *on camera*: kay. Its safe zone here. So I'm gonna open the bathroom door and leave the camera here. Don't want peaking people *chuckles*

*leaves the camera in a table. Opens the bathroom door and gets in it, then closes it. Running water sound can be heard.

Stefan: *is in the bathroom so we can't see him*: mm…wait…what is this? It feels fluffy *growls* wait...what is this animal doing here?...*more growls* …NO! NO! NOT THE HAIR!...*screams and scratch sound* -AAAAAAH GET THIS DEMON OUT OF MY FACE!

_*_Stefangets out of the bathroom running naked-O.O WTF? We should censure this! - And screaming with the raccoon in his face*

Stefan: *in the distance* I HATE YOU DAMON! I HOPE YOU AND YOUR FAT ANIMAL BURNS IN HELL!

…..

**End of first period.**

**What you guys think? I know that this Stefan might be a little OoC but what the hell! Is still funny!**

**Review or Toby will kill you in your sleep! ... (Seriously) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Here'****s the continuation. Hope you like it!**

_Friday, October__ 8, 7:45 pm_

Camera:

Stefan: *his face is all wounded and scratched* so that little bastard won this time, but this is not over! I'm gonna catch that son of a bitch and send it on a boat to Alaska!...*takes a deep breath* kay, now I'm sitting in the living room, I assume that the fat ball will be here any time, so I'll be waiting it, with THIS *shows to the camera a very big tennis racket and a black plastic garbage bag* that's right! I'm sending that bastard right to Boca Raton!

Few minutes pass

Stefan: mm…I'm starting to think that bastard's not gonna get in here. Damon probably trained it to smell danger or something. Never mind. I'll just keep waiting.

More minutes pass, Stefan starts to fell asleep

Stefan: *yawn*…I think it's not in here, maybe I should *yawn* take some rest…-*cuddles in the couch- how cute is that?*

Suddenly growls can be heard. The creepy "_Shark"_ music sounds again. Something is moving between Stefan's feet!

Toby: *starts biting Stefan's toe and growls*

Stefan: *wakes up* what the hell?...* Toby jumps to Stefan's face- again* AAAHHH! *grabs the racket and hits Toby with it* DIE YOU LITTLE BASTARD! DIE!

Toby: *growls with anger, then break the racket with its teethes*

Stefan: O.O WTF? HOW THE HELL HE EVEN DID THAT? *its being hurt by the raccoon* AAAAAAHHH! *starts running in circles with Toby in his head* YOU ***** RACCOON! *tries to hit it with the broken racket*

Damon: *appears in the shot* oh hi Stefan, whatssup? *sees the scene* hey! What are you doing to Toby?

Stefan: *with the raccoon still in his head* WHAT AM _I_ DOING? LOOK AT _YOUR_ RAT! IT'S DEFORMING MY FACE!

Damon: *shrugs* and I care why?

Stefan: *got the raccoon out of his head* you know what? GO TO HELL! YOU AND YOUR FAT RODENT! I'm so gonna to destroy that demon! I swear!

Damon: whatever dude. Come here Toby, the guy's insane. * pick a surprisingly docile Toby in his arms and leaves* and he said _I_ had problems!

_Saturday, October__ 9, 3:32 pm_

Stefan: *on camera* I'm alone again. Damon's out, probably killing some innocent sorority girls or random extras. This is my opportunity to end with this! I'm killing that rodent right now! *pulls a huge knife from nowhere* Oh Toby! Come here!

*Toby appears hissing and growling*

Stefan: *smirks evilly* gotcha bastard!

*somebody nocks at the door*

*Caroline comes in with rush, Toby runs away*

Caroline: Stefan! Glad I find you! Katherine showed up at my place and…!-

Stefan: *psycho face, still holding knife, teeth come out-nice picture, isn't it?* SEE WHAT YOU DID! YOU SCARE THE SON OF A BICH! What the hell do you want?

Caroline:…never mind. I take off. Whatever Katherine does to me it can't be as scary as this! *leaves quickly with vampire speed*

Stefan: *frowning* weird. *grabs the knife again* where were I? Oh yes! Come Toby, Toby...SHOW UP YOU DAMN BITCH!

Katherine:*pops up from nowhere* where you looking at me Stefan?

Stefan: oh crap! Now what? *glares* what do you want Katherine?

Katherine: I've come to visit you. I've missed you Stefan. Did you miss me?

Stefan: *ironic* yeah right. Just like I miss Damon or the Bubonic Plague.

Katherine: oh you're so hot when you use that tone! So what are you doing?

Stefan: not much. Try to hunt a psychotic raccoon with anger management problems. Courtesy of my beloved Brother.

Katherine: oh, you mean _this_ raccoon? *is holding a docile Toby in her arms*

Stefan: *twitch* ho…how the hell did you do that? O.O

Katherine: oh look at this little buddy! It's so cute! *pets and cuddle Toby*

Toby: *purrs*

Stefan: *slaps forehead* of course, the fat rat is just as evil as her, obviously they should get along

Katherine: *lets Toby go and he runs away* so, what I was about to tell you? Ah yeah! I have a new evil plan to destroy your relationship with Elena and get into your pants. So stay-

Stefan: *psycho face* OH CRAP! You let the bastard go! Nice Katherine!

Khaterine: pay attention to my threats! As I was saying: stay away from Elena cause I'll kill her!

Stefan: yeah, yeah, whatever *glares* where the hell that fat ball went?

Katherine: *throws a tantrum* hey! Don't ignore me! I hate when people ignore me!...maybe I have low self esteem problems…

Stefan: *twitch* look Katherine I don't care about your weird and creepy traumas, so leave, or help me caught this damn raccoon!

Katherine:…kay. I think I'm gonna go. You know, people to kill, main characters to threaten. You know Stefan, you've turned into a very weird creepy person…maybe even more than me…but you're still hot so, call me!

Katherine leaves

To be continued…

…

**Hey what's up? You like the 2nd part? R&R please! **


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